Boundaries

The other day in class we discussed boundaries, specifically those that should be set around newlywed couples, and I was surprised to learn just how strict of boundaries really are necessary to keep your relationship "safe".  This semester, I was engaged for about 4 months - and would have been getting married in 4 days, if boundaries were able to be set between us and his family. I felt a lot of stress from his mom especially when we were engaged, because she was far too involved and opinionated on things that she should have not been concerned about.   I remember the stress of her voicing her dislike for my wedding dress and saying that she was going to sew more fabric onto it even when I didn't want it or need it, and wanting to do the same with my bride's maid dresses, which also didn't need it.  This was also done with numerous other things/plans to the point where I literally felt like I had no control over what I wanted my wedding to be.  This problem would not have escalated to this stature if boundaries would have been set by Brandon, but they were not.  Instead he told me to "stop focusing on that which wasn't important", but what he didn't understand was that this was of importance to me.  And more than anything it was unnecessarily stressful.  Boundaries should have been set, and none were.  Boundaries were not something that he was willing to draw in our wedding planning, and because of that I feel that they would not be drawn later on in our relationship either with things like raising kids, needing space, etc.  Our teacher said in class that he thinks that couples should have a barbed wire boundary around themselves to keep others almost completely out for a little while.  I completely agree with this, because I have seen first hand how a lack of boundaries can completely destroy a relationship, and I am glad that I now know, for future reference, how to do it better next time.