Early Marriage Adjustments

In class we have obviously learned a lot about marriage, and the fact that marriage in it's early stages of development is not always easy.  We read an article in preparation for class a few weeks ago that discussed the adjustments that should be made in early marriage in order to have a greater chance for success as a couple.  The article focuses not only on the fact that newlyweds will have to continue dealing with normal life, but they will also have to deal with new debts, housework, etc.  In order to make the most of this new life together, the couple must learn to relate to each other positively and with much patience (as they will throughout their entire marriage).  The article then goes on to discuss the importance of sex within marriage, and the strength and unity that it brings to a couple.  I feel that this part was especially important for us as LDS students to hear, because we are always told to avoid it like the plague and then when we are married we are kind of just thrown right into marriage where there (ideally) will be expectations of having sex. I feel that it is good for us as unwed members of the Church (men and women) to be reminded that sex is a necessary building block to a healthy marriage, and that without it, a marriage will fail.

Marital Communication

For class not too long ago, I watched a video on marital communication called the Love Lab.  I really enjoyed this video and although i was very short and to the point, I believe that the insight within was much too good not to share.  The video is about a couple who has been married for a few years and have pretty  significant disagreements about financial issues, as many of us will probably face in our future (or current) relationships.  According to the video, a "secret" to making love last is to always be ready to resolve conflict as a team. We need to be able to discuss our dreams individually and decide what it will take to get there, together.  We need to be up front about our feelings, and the husband needs to make sure that he is letting his wife also be powerful rather than always taking the initiative to make the major decisions himself.  We need to truly listen to each other and take things one step at a time.  We need to find a dream together and work together to make that dream a reality. I really liked this video because it is something that we will all face at one point or another in our lives (most likely) and I feel that it is important to be prepared for things like this, because if we are not, our relationship with our spouse will most likely suffer.  

Affair Prevention

For class, we were asked to read an article pertaining to affair prevention, and although it was not really anything that I have been concerned about before, the insight that it offered was really profound and very much appreciated.  The article prefaces the information about affair prevention by saying that “being faithful to our spouse requires much more than fidelity.” Much, much more. What many don't know is that an affair doesn’t have to be strictly physical; it can be emotional as well and based solely on fantasies about another person, or pornographic images. And as a spouse becomes sexually/emotionally involved with any one of these, an affair has begun, and as a result, a rift begins to form between them and their spouses and families.  It is a subtle process that does not begin with adultery but rather thoughts and actions, and because of that, I think it would be wise to actively work on preventing affairs everyday during marriage, by showing love and never doing anything that you would be embarrassed for the other to find out about. By choosing not to live with each other before marriage, a couple also significantly cuts their chances of being destroyed by an affair.  A serious couple will need to be “on guard and fiercely loyal” like the article suggests and put up appropriate walls to protect their marriage from the inside in order to keep their relationship safe.  These are all important things that I will definitely be putting into action when I am married, and I am grateful for the opportunity which we had to learn about them in class.

Mothers at Home

During one of our classes, we were blessed to be able to learn a lot about parental differences and the role of each within the home in regards to family.  Typically within our Church, we feel that the primary role of a mother is to stay home and raise her children, if possible.  Often times however, we lose sight of what is truly important and tend to focus on that which is not, even if our intentions are good.  I'm not saying that a mother who works outside of the home is bad, but rather posing the question, "what is more important?"  For the past few years, my college career has been in preparation for medical school, and the late nights and long hours that were to follow once medical school was done.  However, the older I have gotten, and the more open I have become to change, the more I have realized that, although I thought I could successfully be a mother and a doctor at the same time, I can't.  Realistically, either my job or my children would end up suffering.  Thankfully I was able to come to this realization and change my major to a healthcare profession that is more ideal for a mother who wants to preferably go back to work AFTER her children have grown up before I invested too much, but I’m still glad that in this class we were able to look deeper into the idea of mothers working outside the home and to see what minimal perks it actually has.  Even financially, after paying for childcare and the other costs of keeping kids entertained while they are alone, there really are no benefits, but rather just a long list of significant expenditures.  In my opinion, there is nothing more valuable than the time spent raising your children (if possible), and I believe that any sacrifice should be made in order to make it a possibility. 

Blog Post #6

Last week we discussed in class how couples who decide to cohabitate have more of a tendency to abuse each other than those who marry then move in together.  I found this to be very interesting, yet not very surprising.  Through the course of this class, I have learned that people who cohabitate have a higher risk of a lot of situations which are not preferable.  I feel for the children of people to decide to cohabitate.  Broken homes are more common and abuse is rampant.  Nobody wants to be raised in an environment like that.  I am very grateful for the Church's stance on marriage and cohabitation.  Our children deserve more.  They deserve the best, and the best thing that we can provide them with is a family which is strong and united and lawfully wed without abuse or other social/emotional downfalls.

Family Relations post #4

Yesterday in class we talked about dating, which has been a huge issue in my apartment lately.  One of my roommates has been going on "not dates" with a guy that she has been interested in for some time now.  We tried telling her that it was a date, but she didn't believe us.  Now, after having taught her the knowledge that I learned in class, she too knows that these "not dates" have absolutely been real dates.  We have learned that the three criteria for a date are - 1. Prepared (he has planned an activity) 2. Paid for (he is treating you) and 3. Paired off (there is no question as to whether or not he is "yours" for the evening).  My fiance and I learned a lot from this lesson too.  Throughout our relationship, we have not been the best at actually taking the time from our extremely hectic schedules to go on dates, however I also learned in class that these 3 P's of dating have a lot to do with the 3 P's of fatherhood/marriage.  In our Church we believe that the father of the family has the role of Providing for his family (Paid for), Protecting his family (Paired off - he would never let any one else in who could be a threat to the well being of the family) and Presiding over his family (he is Prepared and willing to lead and set a good example for his family).  We both liked this learning experience and are grateful to have had it. We have set the goal to go on more dates alone and not just hang out with friends because, as we also learned in class, "being paired off helps you prepare for marriage".  We are grateful to have had this lesson.

Family Relations Post #3

This past week in class we talked a lot about mate selection and why it is that we scientifically end up choosing the people that we do.  I have contemplated on this a lot this week because I have always wondered why it is that we are drawn to some people, yet not to others.  We learned about a few different criteria that we use in choosing a mate, or significant other.  First we talked about "propinquity" - which basically means that you tend to favor those who live around you, not only because it is convienient, but also because people who live in a close proximity to each other often share similar values and cultural outlooks.  We calso talked about physical characteristics and "familiar" similarities.  We meantioned how those who choose each other often have physical similarities, and I have heard that my fiance and I could be "brother and sister" (which we dont really like, but it proves a point).  I just thought that it was a really cool experience to be able to look at our relationship compared to what we learned in class, because everything that Brother Williams mentioned was true for us.  Our relationship struggled when we tried long distance.  We broke up because of it.  But now that our propinquities are more in line with each other, we are back together.  We also have a lot in common, especially our love for the gospel which makes things a whole lot easier than if our views were different.  I loved this lesson and I'm grateful for Brother Williams for preparing it for us.